How does all this end up happening?
How am I supposed to impress upon people that what they do isn't right?
I know that makes me sound arrogant, that I think I know better enough that I feel I must teach a lesson, but it's mainly concern. I see this stupid, self-destructive behaviour and I can't contain my commentary. It's idiotic. They shouldn't be doing it. I can't cover for them forever. I feel like the best I can do is tell them they're making bad decisions, but that's not enough. First of all, they (well, at least one of them) won't listen. Second of all, I feel like a poseur acting like I know so much better even though I know I'm right. Most of the time I don't say anything; I worry that if I express any form of disapproval they won't trust me. Which is more important: trust or truth? A tiny part of me wants to just reveal everything. I can see it: every truth, every secret spilled, just laying there poised to spawn the frightening wrath they have the potential to incite. I just can't do that though. As I said, I can only try to show them that they are making stupid choices. I don't know if I can do it.
Then there's the fact that I just want to be in control of my own life. I get sucked into all this idiotic drama because I'm just trying to make the right decisions for myself. I really depend on people for very little, but this one thing that she's in control of she can't seem to handle. It's the only thing I really, truly ask. I'm told not to worry, it's not my problem, but it is. It is ultimately solely my problem; it is my future; it is my life.
I try so hard to make the right decisions. I try to be a good person. I try to do the right thing and make everyone happy but it never seems to be enough.
I don't know what I should do. I mean that in so many ways it's ridiculous.

Wow, I haven't uploaded a new deviation or journal in forever.

Summer is going quite well. I have been able to spend some time with my friends, which is fantastic.
Work isn't too bad; I actually enjoy it sometimes and the money definitely makes it worth it.
My vacation to Aruba was phenomenal.
I spend lots of time doing nothing which is relaxing.
I have nearly three months left still since the UC system starts so late.

Random occurrence today:
I'm reading something online and listening to music. Someone knocks on my door; I expect it to be one of my family members. I yell, "Yeah?" I hear the door open behind me and turn around. There is my coworker/my brother's friend, TJ, standing in my doorway. Not who I was expecting at all. He was riding by my house and saw my car so he stopped in to see if I could take his shift this evening.

I'm off to do my senior project, finally.
I don't really want to do it though, senior project is pointless.
It's way too freaking hot here.
It should not be ninety degrees in mid April, that's just ridiculous.
I sincerely hope it does cool down again like the forecast is predicting.

I am so completely exhausted.
It was a tiring, stressful, dramatic weekend.
I hardly ate for four days, and when I did, it wasn't the best quality.
I got less sleep than normal.
I cried and jumped for joy in the span of 20 minutes.
Now I have to go back to the normal world of high school.
I have this feeling that it will feel strange and surreal to me.

Despite this being the worst week of my life,
despite exhaustion and stress,
despite the fact I still have so much to do,
I'm happy again.

I'm excited for HOSA tomorrow,
and today was good despite my cramming.